I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
