I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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