Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
