2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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