My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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