I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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