Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
