I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize