you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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