i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
