Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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