woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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