Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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