Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
