Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
