I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
