in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
bring money and cleavage
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
