Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
