Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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