I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
