She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
