That's intense
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
