I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
