i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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