she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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