I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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