This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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