Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
