I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
