Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
