I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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