I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize