In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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