he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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