Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
