how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
