I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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