You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
