Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
