i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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