This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
