in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
