i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
