Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
