Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
