tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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