i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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