i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What a dumb baby whore.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
