I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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