I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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