I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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