drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
