i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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