The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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