This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
