it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
