i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize