She's the barista slut.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize