he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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