I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
