I hate your face
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
