yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
