it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
