when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
