I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
