I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
