they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize