I CAN MOONWALK!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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