I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
