I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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